Sin City

I am going to Sin City...in about twenty minutes.  

I wonder if it is anything like the movie.

Ahem, Yes. I'd like to report a pet peeve.

Under no circumstance should video game language be used when discussing politics, the economy, courtship, justice, oil, famine, or anything other than video games.

Moments ago, I read the title for a YouTube clip that read, "John McCain Gets Owned on Meet the Press."  There's another one which read, "John McCain Owned by Obama."  This variety of language, nerdspeak or English 2.0, seems all the rage today.  People have found it to cumbersome to say, "I have to go," substituting it for "G2G," in real life conversation.  "JK" is another popular one.  These expressions have their roots in instant messaging which is fine because "im is totally ka and mmrotmffl (Instant messaging is totally kick ass and makes me roll on mutha fuckin floor laughin)."  I jest.

The introduction of gamer, or l33t, speak is a new breed of annoyance.  

The term "own" is of particular interest because of its all encompassing usage, which has caused a glut of verbal and textual laziness.  The expression conjures images of liters of Mountain Dew, headsets, World of Warcraft, acne, and lonely people.  

It means literally anything.  From "I blocked your shot in our pickup basketball game," to "My mail wasn't picked up by the mailman," to "Whoops!  I stepped on your shoelace."  With its wide scope, the word has lost its first and only useful meaning.  I've gathered from extensive research that "ownage" or "pwnage" is the celebratory rallying cry for chopping off an opponent's head on the digital battlefield or shooting them between the eyes in a video game. 

It does not  describe a debate in which a former presidential candidate loses or embarasses himself.  The appropriate description for that would read, "John McCain Embarasses Himself on Television."

Ultimately, my cause is a losing one because I am increasingly outnumbered by people like this.

Father Knows Best

My father and I generally disagree about what kinds of movies we like to see at the theater.  Simply put, he enjoys bad movies, and I enjoy good movies.  This subtle difference in taste may not be obvious so allow me to provide an example.  My dad hated the movie About Schmidt. He said the story made him uncomfortable and that the movie stunk overall.  I saw the movie this past year.  I differ from my Dad.  The movie struck a chord with me.  Seeing Jack Nicholson cast in such a untypical role gave me a real sense of character, not to mention Nicholson's ability to act.

The morale is my dad and I disagreed about the movie.  

For a long time, I have taken my father's recommendations on film with a large grain of salt.  This trend continued with his praise for the movie Mama Mia.  He thought Mama Mia could unseat The Dark Knight for the top box office spot only weeks after the its own release.  He said it was a "feel good" movie.  He said people liked "feeling good."

I giggled inwardly.  But maybe I should have listened.

Mama Mia has recently become the highest grossing box office release of all time in the United Kingdom.  It beat Titanic.  

"But Titanic was well...titanic," I thought.

This proves what I have thought all along.  Europe suffers from a incurable love of disco music.

Quick Thought

Detroit rots from the inside out.  Once upon time, Detroit was a pleasant place to visit for several days,a verifiable vacation destination.  Okay, you caught me.  I lied.  That has never been true of Detroit.  Allow me to rephrase.  

Detroit has a nice airport to connect within, but under no circumstances should you ever set foot outside of the airport.  

Is that better?  What's that you say?  Mention the football team.

The Detroit Lions perfectly reflect their namesake city.

More?  Really?

There is nothing that can be said about the 2008 Detroit Lions that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan.

Hurry on now.

Free Gambling Sucks

Gambling appeals to me.  To be more specific, I enjoy playing poker.  I have successfully fooled myself into thinking I am good at the game.  If I take a pause and really consider my talents at it, I'm mediocre to terrible.  But that's irrelevant because it's fun to be on the digital green felt shooting bets off like the late Stu Ungar.  I give the computer my blank poker face, letting pokerhottie_69 cower in fear.  She bets.  I raise.  She comes over the top.  I come over the top again.  If this was anything but free online poker, we'd be naked or bleeding at this point. 

I lose.  But it didn't matter because I was playing with fake money.  Let me put it this way...I felt more like the Cincinnati Bengals than the Detroit Lions.  I'm not a complete loser, but still a loser.  Even if I won those magical online poker chips, I still wouldn't have won.  So, it's similar to tying.  That's another area of common ground I share with the Bengals.  We both tied this year.  

I feel like I walked onto a plane, missed the seat next to the screaming baby, and plopped down in between these two.  That's kinda a tie right.  

It isn't.  I'm still a loser.  Well.

Well.  I.  What's the point?  Good riddance.  

P.S.  The Eagles spell imminent doom for the Browns of Cleveland.

And Sometimes I Miss Dave Chappelle

I ask this question to all people, "How much do you miss Dave Chappelle?"  When I heard years ago that Dave Chappelle had ended his career, I had a similar sense when I found out Santa Claus wasn't real.  My emotions followed as such:  "Very funny, now, that's funny when is the next episode of Chappelle Show,"  "It's kinda getting old with your Chappelle show thing," "Fuck."  He is a comedic genius because he knew how to comfortably take various people to commonly uncomfortable places with his humor.  You watch him and understand that below the appearance of racist, sexist, whatever-ist jokes he's making, he was reflecting what he gathered from all of us.

Dave Chappelle  made a continuous statement throughout all of his standup comedy.  He says, "I have traveled the world, and it has helped me understand."  I find his far-reaching declaration to hold much merit.  He truly is some sort of scientist or analyst for the world of racism.  

Damn I'm bored.

Damnation

I recently had the displeasure of paying the price of disappointment for Zach and Miri Make a Porno.  Why did I go?  How did I get tricked into seeing another Kevin Smith movie?  When did "funny" die at the theater?  These are the kind of questions that plague my mind.  

 

Why did I go?  It's hard to look yourself in the eye sometimes.  In that case, purchase a mirror.  I took a good hard look deep into my own eyes.  Then I caught my girlfriend visage hanging above my shoulder where the guardian angel supposedly rests.  Taste is not objective, and neither is a sense of humor.  My girlfriend enjoys childish and wholesome stuff like Hannah Montana or the latest ABC Family Original movie.  I could not care less for that.  I would rather see Joe Pesci crack a champagne bottle over someone's head than be caught dead watching Tommy Tsunami.  Needless to say, the girlfriend coerced me to attend the newest debacle at the box office.  But how fearless leader?  How did you succumb such a doomed proposition?  Women posses powers we men can only begin to fathom.  It emanates from their eyeballs (http://www.dphotojournal.com/images/tutorials/evil-eye/evil-eye-8.jpg).

How did I get tricked into seeing another Kevin Smith movie? Firstly, I should give Mr. Smith credit because he has given from his imagination a handful of characters and movies of substantial merit.  Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, perhaps Dante, Clerks, Mallrats, and Dogma.  But what have you done for me lately?  Signal fires of coming trouble began with Chasing Amy and its saccharine tale of love lost for Ben Affleck, an individual who seems like a huge jerk and is a worse actor.  The hits kept coming.  Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, and now Zach and Miri Make a Porno.  I should have known better.  I would be remiss if I did not mention that my curious optimism has extended to another serious violator in your field Mr. M. Night Shamalan.  Don't worry Kevin, you are not M. Night bad...yet.

When did "funny" die at the theater?  http://www.lifelounge.com/resources/IMGTHUMB/SUPERBAD_THUMB2.jpg  Seriously, it's been a two year span into the Judd Aptow era of comedy.  It's also been two years since I last laughed at the theater.  There have been several imitations and translations of this style of humor.  Oddly bi-curious friends, jokes taken to the extreme for the joke, and Seth Rogen have become the staples of these dark days in Hollywood.  I grow increasingly weary of this trend and gleefully mark the days off my calendar until the next stream off somewhat interesting crap comes to a theater near me.

If you are interested in having a better time than I did, I recommend avoiding the theater this holiday season.  Rent Elf for a peak into a time when Will Ferrell didn't absolutely stink to high heavens.  You also could go for Best in Show.  Harlan Pepper is a man amongst men.