Why did I go? It's hard to look yourself in the eye sometimes. In that case, purchase a mirror. I took a good hard look deep into my own eyes. Then I caught my girlfriend visage hanging above my shoulder where the guardian angel supposedly rests. Taste is not objective, and neither is a sense of humor. My girlfriend enjoys childish and wholesome stuff like Hannah Montana or the latest ABC Family Original movie. I could not care less for that. I would rather see Joe Pesci crack a champagne bottle over someone's head than be caught dead watching Tommy Tsunami. Needless to say, the girlfriend coerced me to attend the newest debacle at the box office. But how fearless leader? How did you succumb such a doomed proposition? Women posses powers we men can only begin to fathom. It emanates from their eyeballs (http://www.dphotojournal.com/images/tutorials/evil-eye/evil-eye-8.jpg).
How did I get tricked into seeing another Kevin Smith movie? Firstly, I should give Mr. Smith credit because he has given from his imagination a handful of characters and movies of substantial merit. Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, perhaps Dante, Clerks, Mallrats, and Dogma. But what have you done for me lately? Signal fires of coming trouble began with Chasing Amy and its saccharine tale of love lost for Ben Affleck, an individual who seems like a huge jerk and is a worse actor. The hits kept coming. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, and now Zach and Miri Make a Porno. I should have known better. I would be remiss if I did not mention that my curious optimism has extended to another serious violator in your field Mr. M. Night Shamalan. Don't worry Kevin, you are not M. Night bad...yet.
When did "funny" die at the theater? http://www.lifelounge.com/resources/IMGTHUMB/SUPERBAD_THUMB2.jpg Seriously, it's been a two year span into the Judd Aptow era of comedy. It's also been two years since I last laughed at the theater. There have been several imitations and translations of this style of humor. Oddly bi-curious friends, jokes taken to the extreme for the joke, and Seth Rogen have become the staples of these dark days in Hollywood. I grow increasingly weary of this trend and gleefully mark the days off my calendar until the next stream off somewhat interesting crap comes to a theater near me.
If you are interested in having a better time than I did, I recommend avoiding the theater this holiday season. Rent Elf for a peak into a time when Will Ferrell didn't absolutely stink to high heavens. You also could go for Best in Show. Harlan Pepper is a man amongst men.
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